Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
