I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
