I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
