Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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