tequila makes me forget i have legs
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
