so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
