Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
