DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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