I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
