Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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