I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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