I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
