In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
