Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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