if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
