we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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