You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
