At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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