I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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