Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
