I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
