I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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