Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
