did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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