Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
