Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
