i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
