when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize