a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
