mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize