Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
