I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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