Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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