her vagine was all disorganized.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
