My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
