I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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