he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
