Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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