can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
