I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
