I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
