You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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