i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
