Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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