I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
