i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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