What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Text me some of your sweat
tell me about the eggs
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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