At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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