i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
