Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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