I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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