I wish I could teleport
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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