Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
