I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
