just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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