dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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