I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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