At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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