If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
