Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
