Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
