He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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