I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
