Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
