real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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