So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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