I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
