oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
